Spoonie Problems: How to Decide When to Push Through and When to Stop and Rest
This article is written by Sophia Smith.
Trying to conceive can be a stressful endeavor, and being fertility challenged can make the whole process even more difficult and demanding. That being said, we can often make certain decisions or act in a way that not only makes the situation harder to deal with, but might also unintentionally sabotage our life along the way.
Here are some things you should stop doing if you are having fertility challenges, in order to save your health and sanity during the process of trying to conceive.
Don’t put the blame on yourself
Maybe you think you’ve done something foolish in your youth that affected your fertility or simply “waited too long” to start your own family. Maybe you’re wondering what you could have possibly done to deserve this, or maybe you think you could have prevented this, if only you had known better. Whatever the situation may be, you need to stop putting the blame on yourself. These negative thoughts won’t help you in any way; they will just lead to anxiety and depression.
In reality, most fertility challenged women could have neither predicted nor prevented their situation. So, let go of the blame and focus on what’s important right now – dealing with the problem in the best way possible, and moving forward.
Don’t live your life in two-week intervals
When you’re trying to get pregnant, your life can often get divided into two-week intervals: the period you spend waiting for ovulation, accompanied by the two-week wait before taking a pregnancy test. However, this way of life can be incredibly harmful, as it doesn’t leave any space for stress-free breaks.
Even though it’s unrealistic to think you won’t spend any time worrying about your fertility, you should still try your best to devote that two-week waiting period to self-care and enjoyable activities, as distracting yourself can be incredibly helpful for dealing with the anxiety. Spend your mornings meditating or doing light yoga to relax, visit the spa for a heavenly massage, take your partner out for a romantic dinner, or even plan a weekend away to unwind and lessen your worries. No matter what you choose to do, don’t be afraid to pamper yourself – you deserve it!
Don’t go through this process alone
Whether they are ashamed of their struggle, or simply feel like no one would understand what they are going through, fertility challenged women often tend to keep their problems a secret and deal with their pain alone. However, not only is this behavior unnecessary, it can also be incredibly painful, challenging and psychologically damaging.
In order to lessen some of the shame and pressure you might feel, don’t be afraid to open up about your fertility challenges, and get the love and support you need during this trying time. While your partner, family members and friends might be there for you, if you need support trying to conceive, it might be best to turn to a community of women who have already gone or are going through a similar situation, as they are the only ones who truly understand, and are able to help in a more meaningful way.
Stop waiting to live the rest of your life
Reconsider your definition of a “real” family, and don’t wait until you have children to start your own habits, construct different routines, and begin unique family traditions. Whether it’s a partner, a close friend, or even a loving pet, a family can be defined in endless different ways. So, start living your life as a family now, otherwise you might regret the time you lost waiting.
Apart from having a family life, you also have your own life, and unique goals and dreams. However, when you’re experiencing fertility challenges, you can easily lose sight of your education, career, hobbies, and anything else that makes up the big picture. That is why it might be best to take a step back, think about your personal goals, and strive for them. Whether you ultimately get pregnant or not, the years will still pass. Don’t forget to live your life in the process.
Stop feeling hopeless and helpless
Being diagnosed with infertility can be incredibly difficult, and often lead to a feeling of hopelessness and a certainty that a person will never be happy again. However, even if you can’t have a biological child, there are still many possibilities, from donors and surrogates to noble adoption. Remember that people can even live childfree lives, while still feeling happy and satisfied.
Of course, none of these alternatives will suddenly make your pain go away; you’ll still need time to grieve and heal from the trauma. However, it’s important to remember that there’s still hope and that there is always life after infertility.
Most importantly, you need to realize that your struggles to conceive don’t define you as a person. You are still as wonderful, lovable and beautiful as you always were – you contain multitudes, and you are so much more than just your fertility.
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