5 Tips For Having Difficult Conversations With Your Partner

Do you dream of getting fit, strong, happy or more mindful in 2017?
The start of a new year brings out the feeling of beginning with a fresh slate, with 365 brand-new days ahead in which anything is possible. The crispy clean calendar holds the promise of reaching exciting goals, but we all know that many of us have given up on our New Year’s resolutions by the end of January. How can you be the one who makes their intentions stick?
The key to making your health and happiness goals come true is translating your desired end result in the helpful habits needed to achieve them. To get a stronger, toned and more energetic body, you’ll need to eat healthily and move your body on a regular basis. And if you want to feel more zen, you could start a daily practice of meditation or keep a gratitude journal.
Countless of articles have been written on transforming your life for good, but most leave out one important question: How ready for change are you?
Changing your daily routines in order to reach your goals isn’t as simple as making the decision to go for it. People move through a series of stages when they want to modify their behaviour. The Stages of Change Model from Prochaska, DiClemente and Norcross (1992) distinguishes 5 phases of change:
So how does knowing this help you stick to your resolutions? Tuning into the stage you’re currently in can make the process of behaviour change much more smoothly – and help make it last.
Pre-comtemplation is one of the most challenging stages for outsiders, because how do you reach people who do not see the point of changing?
If you’re reading this article, we can safely assume that you’re looking forward to making some changes in order to make your New Year’s Resolutions come true this year. However, if you’re close to someone in the Pre-contemplation phase, here’s an example how you can move from ‘not ready’ to ‘getting ready’:
Deep down, you probably already know that drinking one too many glasses of wine one too many nights in a row is harming your health and happiness. But you might feel reluctant or resistant to quit, because it will be hard to break the habit and uncomfortable to face the feelings you’ve been suppressing.
To feel the need for change, you first have to be informed about the risks of your bad behaviour and how it impacts your life. That means you have to raise awareness and gain knowledge, by paying attention to how you feel, opening up to the available information sources and asking questions.
What you can do to successfully complete this stage:
Ok, so you know you should lead a healthier lifestyle, but how do you give up the rewards that your bad habits bring you, like comfort, stress relief and satisfaction? In the Contemplation stage, you consider the benefits and disadvantages of changing your behaviour. The first thing you’ll need is plenty of motivation to take action on a daily basis. What’s more, you need to reach a final decision on making changes, which sounds easier than it is. Often, many barriers stand in the way of deciding to go for it, from limiting beliefs and emotions to a lack of willpower, coping skills or social support.
What you can do to successfully complete this stage:
You’re ready to start changing your behaviour, but where do you begin? By making a plan of action that’s simple, concrete and specific.
What you can do to successfully complete this stage:
Yes! You’re actually eating home-cooked meals, doing gentle stretches in the morning and practicing meditation for 5 – 10 minutes each day. So how can you keep the momentum going and make your lifestyle changes last?
What you can do to successfully complete this stage:
It’s an all-too-common scenario: you enthusiastically hit the gym and prep green smoothies, only to find yourself slacking off after a few weeks when you’re too tired, busy or unmotivated to keep up your good habit. What can you do to make your healthy resolutions stick in the long run?
It helps to know in which situations you find it hard to stick your plans. Maybe you find it difficult to stay strong in the face of tempting snacks. Maybe you tend to fall back into old habits when you’re tired or stressed. Once you know your Achilles’ heel(s), you can recognize them and substitute your automatic, not-so-healthy response for a better one.
What’s more, you can make an active effort to prevent a relapse or learn to deal with setbacks in a constructive way. Be careful about how you explain the cause of your relapse to yourself. People who attribute their lapse to their own failure are more likely to feel guilty, angry and disappointed, which can lead to even more bad behaviour to escape those negative feelings. Blaming stable, internal factors beyond your control for your setback (“I have no willpower and I’ll never be able to stop drinking/binge-eating/smoking”) makes it especially difficult to make lasting changes. Instead, try to think of your relapse as a temporary inability to cope effectively with that specific high-risk situation. Study your mistake, learn from it – what triggered your behaviour, which thoughts and feelings did you experience, what better choices could you have made and why didn’t you? – and adjust your plans accordingly.
What you can do to move to the maintain your new habit:
Change is a process, not a one-time event. Which stage of change are you in? And what will you do today to successfully move to the next phase?
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