12 Quotes to Help You Find the Silver Lining in Every Cloud
When you’re chronically ill, you’re not just faced with the limitations of your own body and mind, but you suddenly also have to set boundaries for the people in your life.
Because you simply can’t people-please when you’re dealing with exhaustion, painful symptoms and cognitive problems all day long. With limited energy and mobility, you can no longer overextend yourself and say ‘yes’ to every request like you used to. You can’t ignore your own needs, even if that causes some inconvenience for others. It may be harder to avoid friction when you have to advocate for adaptations or make big lifestyle changes.
No we all have some experience with people overstepping by asking award questions like “Why haven’t you found a partner yet?”, or pushing their political views and religious beliefs after you’ve made it clear you have a different view.
But sadly, when you’re already feeling vulnerable, people may repeatedly violate your boundaries. Maybe some friends or coworkers do not respect your physical, mental and/or emotional limitations after you’ve kindly explained why you cannot do certain tasks or activities. Even worse, you may come across judgmental family members or acquittances who voice their opinions on why you’re still sick and what you should be doing instead (think: yoga/celery juice/have a positive mindset).
Sure, not everyone has enough medical knowledge or emotional intelligence to understand what it’s like to live with your illness day in, day out. But it still hurts when people, especially someone close to you, disregards your limits or doesn’t take “no” for an answer.
So how exactly do you set boundaries to protect your precious energy?
It starts with getting a clear picture of how you’d like to be treated. What kind of physical contact and emotional interactions are you willing to have with people? How do you (unawarely) expect people to behave and speak to you? What are words, actions or forms of touch that you do not accept? It’s perfectly normal if your boundaries change depending on the situation or the person(s) you’re dealing with.
But you can’t expect everyone to read your mind, so you have to communicate your boundaries kindly but clearly. That can look like using simple, direct language without over-explaining: “Sorry, I don’t have the capacity for that”, “I need to rest instead of socializing today” or “Please don’t comment on my health anymore, my doctors and I deal with the complexity”. You don’t have to feel guilty; fluctuating symptoms, pain and sensory overload are valid reasons to say no, even if they aren’t visible to others.
Clear communication also means explaining your limitations to the people in your life. Let them know what drains you, what supports you and what adaptations you need to function. For someone who’s never been seriously sick, it’s not always easy to really get how much your health impacts every aspect of your life. Just remember, you’re not being difficult for needing flexible plans, physical accommodations or virtual hangouts. Respecting the limits of your body and brain isn’t selfish, but an act of self-preservation.
And when someone crosses a boundary, it’s okay to address it calmly and directly the first time: restate your boundary, name the behavior and explain the impact it has on you. But if it keeps happening, you’re allowed to protect yourself by limiting contact, changing how much access someone has to you or removing yourself from situations that repeatedly harm you. Because boundaries without consequences are just suggestions.
If you struggle to stand up for yourself, take inspiration from these 14 boundaries quotes to protect your inner peace.
When chronic illness limits your energy, mobility and abilities, seeing boundaries becomes necessary to honor your body’s needs and emotional wellbeing. Hopefully these boundaries quotes help you to state and communicate your limitations kindly, but clearly.
How do you set boundaries with chronic illness?
Learn more about how to set healthy boundaries when you’re living with limitations and how to deal with judgmental people by clicking the links.
