Why I Do What I Do
When you’re living with epilepsy, diabetes or complex regional pain syndrome, you’re never quite sure what the day will bring. Symptoms can flare up unexpectedly, and your pain and energy levels may be so unpredictable that it’s hard to make plans.
Whether you’re newly diagnosed with a chronic illness wondering what your future will look like, your relationship is struggling under the weight of your health problems or you’re trying to reintegrate at work, chances are you’ll be faced with uncertainty. You may feel like you’ve lost your footing when your normal routines are disrupted because of your disease and there’s no clear path forward.
And that’s hard, because the human brain loves security. Our minds are always scanning for patterns so we can anticipate what could be happening in the (near) future. That’s why unknown situations keep us on our toes, to be aware of potential dangers, which can build up to stress, anxiety, a sense of powerlessness and worsened mental health.
To deal with the discomfort of uncertainty, you may try to regain some control through obsessive planning, procrastinating in the hopes that things will spontaneously be fixed or constantly re-checking things to make sure everything’s ok. But sadly, chronic worrying or holding onto astrology, manifestation or fate for support won’t give you power over life or stop painful things from happening.
Ironically, being sick makes it even harder to cope with uncertainty and uncontrollable stress, because you do not have any energy, mobility and mental clarity left to deal with delayed flights, your prescribed medication being out of stock or much-needed packages that didn’t get delivered.
More so, you’re probably also experiencing illness uncertainty – the scientific term for being unable to give meaning to and/or predict the outcome of an event or experience, because you lack information. For example, when you feel sick every day, it can be hard to determine what’s causing that throbbing headache: Is it simply a cold, a sign of dehydration or stress, a side-effect from your medication or something more serious? And so many of us have been impatiently waiting for an answer or diagnosis, only to have our test results come back unclear, with multiple interpretations possible.
When you find yourself in unpredictable situations or facing an unknown future, what can you do to deal with the uncertainty?
First of all, focus on what you still can control. So you don’t know if your best friend will ever understand what it’s like to live with chronic illness. That’s out of your hands. But you can try to communicate your limitations kindly but clearly, give him or her space to learn, and reach out to other loved ones in your life for support in the meantime.
No matter if you’re uncertain about your relationships, job security or the progression of your illness, wishing that everything will somehow be ok again or that someone will come to your rescue unfortunately won’t solve your problems. So take matters into your own hands, whether that’s looking for trustworthy information, brainstorming out-of-the-box ideas, cultivating patience and faith, or asking for help.
In that spirit; stick to some (simplified) routines. Eat your (comforting) go-to meals 3 times a day, have a bedtime ritual, and keep up with essential chores as much as you can. These habits feel familiar and reassuring, plus they structure your day without demanding much brainpower, since you do them semi-automatically.
Mind your thought patterns. When new symptoms can pop up at any time, ruining the best laid plans, it’s all too easy to get stuck mentally, making thinking errors like “Things always go wrong, the whole world is against me, I’ll never be happy again.” We all feel that way sometimes, but you don’t want to negative thinking to take over your mind.
Constantly ruminating about what you could have done differently or excessive worrying if you’ll ever be better again or find someone who will love you for who you are will hurt your health and happiness even more. That’s why it helps to mind your mental diet, like your news feeds and social media, to avoid doom scrolling and rehashing worst-case scenarios.
Also, find some calm in the chaos. When life feels overwhelming or out of control, take a moment each day to close your eyes and take a deep breath. Instead of thinking of what could happen, try to be present in the moment, through mindfulness, walking meditations or grounding. Also make time to deal with stress in healthy ways, from taking a relaxing bath to doing yoga or singing along with your favorite songs.
Finally, learn to better tolerate the unescapable uncertainty in life over time. Even though life with chronic illness is particularly unpredictable, no one knows what the future will bring. The next time you feel insecure or scared of the unknown, try to not immediately push your discomfort away by making to-do lists or distracting yourself. Allow yourself to feel fearful, stressed or worried for a moment, all the while realizing that your thoughts and emotions will eventually pass, no matter how the situation turns out. Practicing meditation can also increase your tolerance for uncertainty, as well as stop the “what ifs” from racing through your mind.
To get you started, have a look at these 15 uncertainty quotes to help you steer through unpredictable situations.
Hopefully these uncertainty quotes will provide you something to hold onto in unpredictable situations.
Learn more about how to deal with uncontrollable stress or find inspiration in 16 Surrender Quotes to Let Go of Things You Can’t Control.
